Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
