And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
