she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
