SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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