I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
