just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
