So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
worst night to have a conscience
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
