Don't make out with my wife yet
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
