I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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