honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize