Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
