why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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