I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
