I skipped work to stalk him.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
