I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
