If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
