i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
