She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
