All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
