So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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