This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The adults are the big ones right?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
