its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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