I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
