I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
