i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
