Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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