I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
