i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
