I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
