Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize