I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
