We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
