singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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