hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
