you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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