sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
