When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
