escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
