The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
