I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
