Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
