Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Randomize
