I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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