I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
