Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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