well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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