I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
