Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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