that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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