No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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