This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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