I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
