found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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