a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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