i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
