i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
