i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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