Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My penis needs a shock collar
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
