Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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