This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
