At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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