hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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