I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
