would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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