If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
where are my eyebrows?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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