Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
