New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
