we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize