I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
