how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
