Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize