just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
