3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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