What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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