my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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