My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
