Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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