You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
