yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
