There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
