I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
