Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
