Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
