Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize