i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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