but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
