Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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