Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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