youre lurking in front of me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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