Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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