woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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