I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm getting married
To pizza
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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