the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
